siderea

Several years ago Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D., two Imago trainers and therapists, published a book titled How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship. Below is part of their list of some behaviors they identify which can, indeed, ruin a relationship:

• Control everything and everyone


• Never take the blame yourself; instead, make your partner wrong


• Make it a habit to spend more money than you have


• Win every fight, even the ones you couldn’t care less about


• Keep score


• Use threat often


• Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her


• When your partner tries to please you, find fault with their efforts


• Hold fast to the belief: “If you loved me you would know what I want”


• Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs


• Use silence as a weapon


• Pretend that you don’t hear


• When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints


• Refuse to give information


• When you realize you haven’t given your partner some important info, insist that you did


• Claim to be the only one interested in the relationship


• Never ask for help


• Confide only in friends


• Take it personally when your partner wants time alone


• Discount your partner’s physical complaints


• Give advice where it isn’t welcome


• Never pick up after yourself


• Refuse to seek help for your depression


• Refuse to talk


• Focus on changing your partner


• Focus all your needs on sex


• Take all problems as further proof that the relationship will not work


• Put your friends before your partner


• Keep romantic gestures to a minimum


• Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own


• Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture


• Practice verbal abuse


• Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions


• Ask your partner to share feelings and when s/he does, EXPLODE


• Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted


• Let disagreements fester


• Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please

Copyright 2008 Florham Park Counseling.